Why you Fall Out of Love.
And How to Keep it Next Time.
You love from the storm and not the stillness.
You fall out of love because your love is not founded on the stillness of your heart. You’re on autopilot, reacting to and swirling around in the storm of love evoked by your body and mind.
You’re a storm chaser. Captivated by beauty, mystery, awe, power, challenge, thrill and the unknown. The lure of love.
You know how it goes… you see someone interesting. You get the urge to move in close. They let you and bam, fireworks all over your body. Phenylethylamine, norepinephrine and dopamine kick in. You’re buzzing and grinning from ear to ear. Your mind conjures a great fantasy. The two of you, doing, you know what and slam dunk, you’re caught — hook, line and sinker. It’s a wild and fizzy lover’s story. Your subject of affection smells good, sounds good, tastes good, looks good, feels good. So you’re strapped in the Throng of Passion flight simulator.
You twist and turn and spin upside down at an irresistibly delirious pace. It’s one fantastic ride.
Only you become a bona fide, ride freak, love chemical junkie jumping from high to high. As the euphoria wanes, so do you.
Time to chase another storm.
Or perhaps during this infatuation phase, you tasted the wine of love.
You found the perfect bottle.
So you stuck around.
Now you have the full-bodied wine coursing through your veins. Oxytocin and vasopressin make their move. They stimulated something more than the hit you got from the flight simulator.
This also feels good, really good, but you’re still strapped in for a bumpy ride. So bumpy you fall out of love. Either you get thrown from the car or you make an escape. You didn’t sign an exclusive or full-length contract for the Dakar rally, so you find the out-clause and head back to the simulator to try again. Hopefully a little wiser and more prepared.
For the ones who hang on, well here’s a neat little story about that.
The Fountain of Love and the Prince of the West
by Deborah Cutting
The Prince of the west was an only child and a spoiled one at that. He could choose and have anything and all that he desired. He only needed to ask and dream.
The canvas of possibility and pleasure was endless and he milked it for all he could. He didn't much care for the consequences or cost of all his wanting. After all, he was the Prince, he lorded it over all. He was entitled to that which he pleased.
Of his many fancies, he enjoyed the love of women. But he also loved them. He loved how they made him feel and how they adored him and doted on him. He loved their femininity — the way they felt, their smiles, their long wavy hair and the way they dressed for him. He drank heavily from the many flavours of wine of women.
Then one day the King called for his son and told him it was time to drink from the fountain of love. For his life was passing by and he knew nothing of the grandest, sweetest love of all.
Inspired by his father’s words, the Prince searched all the lands near and far for this promise of true love.
Finally, when he was about to give up, she came to him. She was a simple woman clad in linen that disguised her inner glow. When she smiled it filled his heart in a way no other woman had. He immediately felt at home with her and all his other female fancies disappeared with the sweetness of her breath.
Through her, he saw all his error-filled ways and began to change. He loved how she brought the best out in him.
They fell in love and after some time they married. With the King’s blessing.
The Prince was elated and certain he found true love.
He and his wife lived happily and contentedly for many years. Sure, they had their troubles, but their love and commitment toward each other got them through. They travelled to foreign lands together, bore children, nurtured their growth and cared for the ageing King.
The King was nearing his death though and so once more he called for his son. He needed to tell the Prince how he should be King.
The Prince came and leaned in close to capture his father’s last and most important words.
“Son”, he said, “you have found a love in your life that has made you new, that has made you a man, a loving and responsible man and father. Because of her, you have strength, courage and joy. You are truly blessed”.
“But Son, now it is time. A King must unfasten himself from the bottle that pours the wine of love and that eventually runs out. You must rule and for that, you need the fountain of love. Drink from that Son and love will never fail you”.
The Prince pressed the King to tell him where he could find this fountain of love. But the King drew his last breath and all he said was… “look where you fear most to look”.
The Secret of True Love
Don’t fall out of love! But that means you first need to truly fall in love.
As a snake sheds its skin so too must you shed your ego. True love is spiritual and Spirit is King.
You are Spirit.
The mind and body are there for its expression. Yet the way you love now is as though the mind and body are the rulers. Engaged with love through the veil of the ego.
You end your relationship because your partner doesn’t put out or doesn’t have the golden mojo. You abuse and control each other because you have forgotten who you are. You get into fights because your partner doesn’t believe the same as you do or because they have different priorities. But I bet any money you have your own internal conflict and shouting match running on the screen of your mind.
Could you imagine for a moment if you were free of all that?
What would it feel like in your body and mind? How would your day unfold?
I know for many the first thought and feeling to emerge is peace.
Stillness.
Your body would feel warm and relaxed. The day would be calm and spontaneous with so much space for love and joy to pour forth.
This would arise in you despite the storm that swirls all around and passes through your mind and in the natural functions and movements of your body.
Because a change has taken place. Freedom has emerged.
The secret…unity. Not unity between two people but the union within. Body, mind and spirit as one, but Spirit is King and the fountain of love.
The day you become the one you love and the one you love becomes you, will be the day you realise your own majesty.
When you love from the stillness in the storm, you will never fall out of love.
How to Keep Love
This does not mean how to possess, retain or control love. It means how to carry and preserve love.
To do this you must first access love. Love within. For that, you need to clear away the debris. All that which hinders your view of your glorious self. Because to soar like an eagle you can’t carry a backpack full of shit.
The task:
- Forgive - yourself, others, ancestors, God.
- Let go - of all negativity (anger, judgement, fear, hatred etc.), pain and hurt, the past, unhealthy habits, patterns, relationships.
- Be still and present- your mind must be the servant, not the ruler.
- Trust - yourself and the nature of the universe.
For those of you who think this is about loving yourself, a word of caution.
The self you are trying to love is only an illusion. If you say “I love myself despite my flaws and ugly bits”, you are only part way there.
The love of self is not something you can manipulate or try to do or affirm or convince your mind about. It arises naturally. It’s a recognition. It’s Truth.
To not fall out of love, keep yourself.
Thanks for reading, I truly hope you got something out of it.
Go to A Love Bug for more articles on love, life and the incredibleness of you.
